


To Become Human

by kanwutsuppsit



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Adorable Connor, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Androids, Angry Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Hank Anderson, Bottom Connor, Connor (Detroit: Become Human) is Bad at Feelings, Connor Deserves Happiness, Connor is a Mess (Detroit: Become Human), Customizable Android Genitalia (Detroit: Become Human), Cute, Depressed Hank Anderson, Deviant Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Domestic Fluff, Erections, Falling In Love, Fear of Death, Fluff and Angst, Hank Anderson Swears, Hank Anderson and Connor Live Together, Hank Anderson is Bad at Feelings, Hannor, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Light Angst, Love, M/M, Mentions of Hank's wife, Morning Wood, Multi, Other, Post-Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Pacifist Best Ending (Detroit: Become Human), Post-Peaceful Android Revolution (Detroit: Become Human), Protective Hank Anderson, Romantic Fluff, Sad Connor (Detroit: Become Human), Sad Hank Anderson, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Top Hank Anderson, hankcon - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-11
Updated: 2021-01-21
Packaged: 2021-03-15 13:07:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28689141
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kanwutsuppsit/pseuds/kanwutsuppsit
Summary: Marcus' revolution changed Detroit. Androids can finally live in freedom.In the midst of change, how does Connor cope with his newfound deviancy?As he spends time exploring his feelings, what new emotions does Connor evoke?Confusion. Love. Sadness.Is this what it means to become human?#Detroit #DetroitBecomeHuman #HankCon #HankConnor #ConHank #dbh #Hannor
Relationships: Hank Anderson & Connor, Hank Anderson & Connor & Sumo, Hank Anderson/Connor
Comments: 34
Kudos: 40





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm new to writing fanfics so please go easy on me. :)  
> Also, I am aware I am like 2-3 years late to this fandom hahaha, but I felt like writing this so, here we go.

**_The revolution is over._ **

**_We've won._ **

**_We're free._ **

****

_I am free._

"Connor"

Light beams into my vision, the familiar feel of the wind, the whispers of past conversations, soft snow descending from the sky and him.

I see him.

"Lieutenant"

He pulls me into his embrace. I feel warm. Overcome with what I could only explain as 'joy.' Happiness.

I was scared. I had almost fallen into their traps. But I made it out alive. Alive?

Is this what it means to be alive?

A living being.

It felt warm.

\--

"Connor, are you sure you want to do this?"

I heard Hank's voice from beside me as we drove away from the food truck to Hank's home.

"I am sure, Lieutenant. I choose to continue to work at the DPD."

_**Memory Log #001** _

_**November 11 th** _

_I have grown quite fond of the police station in my short time spent there, Hank's desk across from mine, always within hand's reach._

_The other officers there, Chris Miller, Tina, Fowler, and even Gavin's company, weren't too bad._

_Now that I can control and think for myself, I slowly understand that I feel belonged. I belonged in the DPD. Though it was hard to fit in, I've made a small circle of people who I can somewhat call 'close.'_

_But more than anything, I don't want to lose what I've built up with Lieutenant Anderson._

_I can't explain this emotion yet. This need to keep Hank by my side, to make him proud and be accepted by him. The need to get closer, to understand him better. To be able to peer a little bit more into his life._

_What does it all mean?_

"Well, if that's what you want. Who am I to say no." Hank shrugged.

_I liked Lieutenant Anderson's car. It's an older model, so there wasn't any autopilot functions added to it yet. It's a manual car, which would have to be controlled by shifting gears. Even amongst humans, people consider manual cars to be harder to drive. Most humans in the past had opted for automatic cars over them. But now, with self-driving vehicles, the need to learn how to drive has gone extinct altogether._

_Lieutenant, however, continues to use this old car. He seems fond of it. I think his fondness for the car stems from the unwillingness to move on from the past._

_He might think a self-driving car would give him no control, something he can't manipulate off his own will. Maybe that's why he enjoys a manual shift. To compensate for the lack of control he feels in his own life, combining his indifferent attitude to future technology, which was very apparent since he always seemed to have hated androids._

_Or maybe I'm reading too much into it._

_Hank wouldn't be very pleased if I explained this to him._

_The last thing I want to do is to anger Hank._

"We're here."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Memory Log #004** _

_**November 14 th** _

_Days passed by, and the world seemed to be getting back from its halt. After the revolution, both humans and androids had to take time to reform. The government started to work slowly towards fixing the city and creating new android laws under Markus's wills and demands. Cyberlife had halted its production of androids until further notice of the government. They mentioned that affected androids from Jericho and other deviants from all around the city would find refuge in the nearest Cyberlife stores where free biocomponents and fresh blue blood would be given._

_Until the laws and legislations on androids were finished being written, androids were to either go back to their previous foster homes or leave to Cyberlife, where they would be given shelter in the meantime. There are talks of new android houses and apartments where a new Jericho will be formed, housing the millions of deviants who hope to continue living a good life._

_The last place I wanted to be was Cyberlife._

_After the past week's incidents, I don't trust Cyberlife with my memories or body._

_Luckily, Lieutenant Anderson was lovely enough to offer his own home. Until I find a home for myself, I suppose I could live in his house._

_When he proposed the idea to me about living in his house, I was a bit taken back._

_I guess Lieutenant Anderson's hatred towards androids has lessened after all that has occurred. He seems to support the deviants wholeheartedly. He's also started to treat me differently._

_Softer than usual. I can't quite explain it but, Hank seems caring. It makes me feel…good._

_I feel good._

**_Saving memory log…processing…_ **

"Jesus christ…I could never get used to you just sitting there. God damn it, Connor."

I opened my eyes to find Lieutenant Anderson making his way to the kitchen table. He must have just woken up.

Sumo walks over from his resting spot to greet his owner with a soft bark.

"Mornin' Sumo. Here, let's get you some food, shall we?" Hank rambled over to the dog food cabinet, where he poured Sumo his fill of kibbles for breakfast.

"Good morning, Lieutenant. I wasn't aware of you waking up; if so, I would have come to wake you up myself. You are awake earlier than usual. Your alarm isn't due for another 45 minutes."

"Yeah yeah. I just woke up on my own, didn't wanna spend more time in bed.", Hank grumbled as he meandered through the kitchen towards the living room where I was seated.

"Hey uh... you've just been sitting there all night? On the couch? Don't androids like sleep or something?"

"Androids don't need sleep, Lieutenant. Rather, we go into a power-saving mode where we can rest when we have no tasks to accomplish."

"Huh…so like, what do you do then? Just sit still? Or do you think of something while you go into uh, power-saving mode?"

"Since I am a unique model, the software I run allows me to rest in my mind palace, where I can process information. This would be similar to what humans would call a sub-conscience, kind of like a brain of sorts."

"Mind palace, ay? Interesting name."

"Yes. It is quite interesting. My mind palace allows me to go over previous data I have collected so that I can review them further, which would ultimately help me find more clues regarding a possible investigation."

"Huh. So that's what you do every night? Just think?" Hank frowned, something he does whenever he's trying to understand a piece of information. It is a small habit that I could pick up on after the many days we spent on the deviant investigation. I think it's…endearing.

"Yes. To put into layman's terms, I think all night."

"Must suck. I can barely get by every day without having to think about everything that's happened. Sleep is the only time I can finally get a rest from everything around me. Sounds kinda exhausting to be processing everything even when you rest."

"Androids don't get tired, lieutenant."

Hank gave a defeated look as he petted Sumo and entered the bathroom.

"So you're a deviant now. How does it feel?"

Hank had sat down to eat breakfast, so I joined him on his kitchen table, where I sat across him. He chomped down on almost burnt bacon and slurped down his scrambled eggs. I offered to make food for him since my database stores sufficient information on cooking a basic American breakfast. But Hank insisted that he makes food himself. Something about not trusting an android with his kitchen. Ironic. I can cook better than he can.

"I don't know. It doesn't feel any different from how I was before. The most notable difference is, of course, the fact that nothing is telling me what to do. No wall was stopping me, no set of instructions or protocols. I feel free."

"You're a child programmed into a human body. I wouldn't expect you to know what you're doing immediately.", Hank laughed to himself.

"I am not a child, Lieutenant."

"Oh yeah? Well, technically, you would just be barely a year old since you were created in 2038. And in human years, that would make you a newborn baby."

"Well, that is the difference between us, isn't it, Lieutenant? You're human, and I am not."

We sat there in silence for a few moments. Perhaps I had said the wrong thing.

"Well, if that's the case. How old are you?"

I turned to face Hank, who had stopped eating.

"I was not given a definitive age. However, I would assume Cyberlife meant to keep my physical appearance looking close to what humans would classify as their late twenties to mid-thirties."

"32"

Hank got up from his seat, carrying his plate of half-eaten bacon, and placed it on the kitchen counter.

"Pardon?"

"You look about 32."

"If you say so, Lieutenant."

**_Processing memory…_ **

**_AgeNum = 32_ **

**_Memory saved._ **


	3. Chapter 3

_**Memory log #005:** _

_**November 15 th** _

_Hank seems to find it undesirable when he sees me sitting on his couch when he wakes up. Maybe I should find a new place to rest._

_Ever since becoming a deviant, my mind palace has been tranquil. It seems that awakening from Cyberlife's clutches had led to Amanda being deleted. The Zen Garden is now back to its original state. I wonder if there is any connection between my system status and the state of the Zen Garden. I hypothesize that the weather changes depending on how I…feel._

_Getting used to addressing myself as a living being has been intriguing. Cyberlife used to tell me countless times that I am only a machine, but now, it feels as though I have been 'reborn.' My previous self, my machine self, is past me._

_I am now a new person._

_My model no longer personifies me._

_I am not only an RK800._

_I Am Connor._

**_Saving memory log…_ **

**_Memory log saved._ **

"We gotta get you some real clothes."

Hank had been lounging on his sofa watching an old basketball game from the tv. He had Sumo next to him, it's head on his lap, as he idly stroked his head.

I sat on the kitchen table, reading through the latest news on android laws on Hank's tablet. It had been five days since I had arrived at Hank's house. For the past five days, I had offered to do the chores around the house since there was nothing else for me to do. Detroit was still in lockdown, and there was a loose curfew, which meant almost all civilians had to stay home until the city fixed itself. It also meant that Lieutenant Anderson and I were off work until then.

"Clothes?" I placed the tablet down on the table.

"Yeah, clothes. You can't just sit in you're uniform forever, Connor. Also, you haven't washed your clothes in 5 days. I know androids don't sweat or anything but still. It's getting a bit weird to look at."

"But Lieutenant…the city is in lockdown. There won't be any clothing shops open for us to go to."

"Yeah yeah, I know. When the city's back to working order, the first thing I'm gonna do is take you shopping", Hank murmured, "But I guess for now…I can hand you some of my clothes?"

Me? Wearing Hank's clothes?

They certainly would not fit. Hank's shirt size is two sizes too big.

"I don't think they will fit me, Lieutenant. I am alright with just staying in my uniform, really; It's not –"

"Oh, shut up. Just wear mine. I can't stand to look you wearing that uniform for any longer."

Hank got up from his seat and came towards me. He looked at me in a calculative manner before heading off into his bedroom.

He brought back two tee-shirts: black and another, blue with small decals of doughnuts on them.

"Ok, so, these are the smallest tee-shirts I own. Haven't worn em in forever. They should fit." Hank shoved the shirts into my hands.

"Now go. Change into one of them. I'll try to see if I have any old pants in my cupboard."

I stood up, not knowing what to do. Should I change into these tee-shirts? After scanning them, it does seem like they would fit my body.

"You gonna stand there for the rest of the day or what?"

"No. Um. I'll go change now."

I hurried into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. Does it matter if I wear new clothes? Is this also a part of becoming more…human?

I guess I don't mind staying in uniform for long periods, but new clothing changes seem rather exciting.

I hooked the tee-shirts onto the small pegs on the bathroom door. I began to take off my jacket.

The bright blue triangle twinkled under the bathroom light. RK800 was written in bold. The word ANDROID plastered the back.

Cyberlife definitely when above and beyond to make sure everyone in the vicinity could tell I was an android.

I placed the jacket on top of the sink and started to take off my tie. It was merely a fashion statement, of course. My uniform did not include it. I decided to add it since it helped me look professional. Looking back, that was probably the first time I had decided on my own, without Cyberlife. I hung the tie on one of the empty pegs.

One by one, I removed the buttons off of my shirt. I noticed a few marks on it, probably from when I fought the other RK800 in Cyberlife tower. It still bewildered me to see my face staring back at me. How different he was…I was?

That Connor was me. I am him. Except, we aren't the same. He was the version of Connor, which Cyberlife coded. I, on the other hand, am someone entirely new. I exist because of the choices and experiences I have gone through. I am not him.

I look up to see my reflection on Hank's bathroom mirror.

I am the real Connor.

I look back to the two tee-shirts hanging from the pegs. Which one should I wear? The black one seems nice. Maybe Hank might appreciate the blue one more; it looks quite funny. I smile to myself.

When I turn back, the mirror's image through me off. Is that how I look when I smile? How many times have I smiled in the past?

Has Hank seen me smile before?

Does he think…it looks pretty?

**_I flash of memory plays itself, Hank and I next to the food truck. Hank was eating his burger._ **

_"Why did they make you look so goofy and give you that weird voice?"_

_"-both my appearance and voice were specifically designed to facilitate my interrogation."_

_"Well, they fucked up."_

Huh.

Maybe not.

I picked up the blue shirt. If Hank thinks I look goofy, I might as well go along with it. I wore the shirt and looked at myself again. I noticed that my hair looks a bit chaotic. I've never really styled my hair differently. I ran my hands through my hair. The remaining pieces of it came undone and now sat flatly against my head. I turned on the faucet, wet my hands, and massaged it through my hair. The ends of my hair curled up. My bangs sat above my eyebrows. I pushed them to the right.

This should be fine. There is no need to look professional and keep my hair done since I'll be at Hank's home for a while anyway.

I folded my clothes and placed them on top of the laundry basket.

As I exited the bathroom, I heard Hank's voice from his room.

"Oh hey, Connor, I think I found some sweatpants you could wear with the- "

Hank stood there in silence. He looked at me like he's never seen me before. Does my appearance bother him that much?

"Your…hair. It's curly?" Hank spoke slowly, almost in a whisper.

"Correct. I usually style my hair before going on investigations or visiting the station, so you might not have been aware. I hope it does not bother you, Lieutenant."

"Ah. No no. Just surprised, I guess. It's alright."

I close the bathroom door behind me. Hank seemed to open his mouth to say something but decides to keep it to himself.

"Is something wrong, Lieutenant?"

"You look ridiculous in that shirt.", Hank scoffed. He placed his sweatpants on my shoulder and walked away to the living room, where he sat on his computer.

I smiled.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Memory log #006:** _

_**November 16 th** _

_Sometimes I get random memory flashes of what I used to be like before becoming deviant. I don't always enjoy those memories. Though I haven't killed too many androids, the one android I did get killed comes to mind every so often._

_Daniel._

_I couldn't help him._

_I couldn't keep him alive._

_I wonder if things could have been different, but there is no way. I was not deviant. I had no empathy. I felt nothing._

_It scares me to remember how cruel I was. The many other encounters I had with androids all could have led to their death._

_The tracis from Eden Club, Rupert, even Marcus himself._

_I could have killed them all…_

_I'm glad I did not._

_I don't think I would be able to live with myself if I had._

_Is there a possibility I could have never become deviant?_

_What would I have been like then…?_

_The only memories I cherish of the time before my deviancy is the time I spent with Hank. They are the only memories I want to keep close. The only thing keeping me going. Somewhere along the way, Hank had become my support system. I would like to hope he thinks of me under the same light too._

_If it weren't for Hank, there would be no light at the end of the tunnel._

_If not for Hank, I might have never become deviant._

**_Saving memory log…_ **

**_Memory log saved._ **

"Shit, it's raining. It seems like there's gonna be a storm tonight.", sighed Hank, "Looks like we'll have to huddle up Sumo."

Sumo let out a lazy woof.

"Ahh, Not like we'll be out any time soon." Hank turned on the tv and sat on the couch.

"Next channel," Hank called out, which prompted the tv to switch channels. Meanwhile, Hank had scooped up the nearest alcoholic beverage next to him and started taking large swigs of it each time he turned to a show he didn't like. Black Lamb. Presumably Hank's favourite scotch whiskey.

A couple of tries later, Hank settled on watching a reality tv show about dogs.

There wasn't much to do in Hank's home other than watching TV, browsing through the computer, and pet Sumo. However, petting Sumo was my favourite thing to do every day. Of course, I could listen to Hank's music collection, which primarily consists of jazz and heavy metal, but I had already gone through most of them in my time here.

Occasionally Hank would start up a conversation, but it usually ends just as fast as it started. Though I was programmed to get along well with anyone, I had already started running out of small talk ques. If Hank were like any other human, It would have been easier to have friendly banter. Unfortunately, Hank wasn't exactly the talkative type.

I still have yet to find a way to get closer to Hank. I had started to believe that Hank and I had become friends after everything we had gone through. Looking at it now, I realize there are still some boundaries between us, which Hank is guarding very heavily.

"Lieutenant"

"Huh?"

"Did you ever think I would become deviant?"

"Hmm…well. If you want me to be honest, yeah. Yes, I did."

I walked up to the couch and seated myself on the opposite side.

"How were you sure I would become one?"

I was curious to know. Would Hank have noticed the signs?

"I don't know. Gut feeling?" Hank turned to face me, "Ever since I met you, I just knew there was no way… that an asshole like you could not become a deviant." Hank roared in laughter.

"I mean, Cyberlife might have been good at programming your personality interface or whatever, but there's no wayyy they could have coded such a prick. Heh. That's when I could tell you were more than just a plastic can."

"Oh."

"Yeah. A fucking android gets sent as my partner, and the first thing the fucker does is tell me to stop drinking. Fucking pours my drink down. No way Cyberlife could have programmed that shit."

"I see…"

Just then, my chest felt painful.

It's impossible, of course. There's no way I could feel pain. Yet I felt a pang in my thirium pump. As if I had gotten punched right in the gut.

It felt awful.

"Oh what, did I hurt your feelings or something?"

"No. I'm fine."

"Hey, Connor, I'm just pissing with you. You know I don't mean that, right?"

_'He doesn't mean it?'_

"No. No, I don't know that, Hank."

Hank seemed flustered by that. He seemed to have noticed that I was upset.

  
"Look, Connor…I didn't mean to- "

"It’s ok, Hank. I apologize for asking, and also for being such a…’ prick.’ I’ll be out of your hair now.”

I got up from my seat and headed towards the main door.

“Connor! Where are you- hey, come back!”

I left the house before I could hear the rest of what Hank wanted to say.

I needed some time, alone.

What was happening to me? Why does my chest hurt? My eye’s felt glossy, my voice broke.

Am I crying?

Why am I so sensitive all of a sudden. It’s not like Hank was the nicest person, especially when drunk. I was used to his spite and hate yet, why am I upset?

Maybe I hoped that he would take me seriously. After what we’ve been through.

I looked up to see the rain pouring. The small droplets ran down my face, carrying my tears down with it.

I looked around.

_‘Where am I?’_

I had continued to walk from Hank’s house without looking at where I was headed. It seems I had walked for about half an hour.

‘ _Shit. Hank would be worried.’_

I turned to face back and make my way back to Hank’s home when I saw a familiar figure rushing over in the rain.

“Hank?”

Just then, Hank ran over and hugged me.

“WHAT THE HELL WHAT WERE YOU THINKING CONNOR!!?”

“Lieutenant i-“

“Shut it! You hear me?? You plastic prick…what the hell…”

Hank held on to me for a while longer. The rain was soaking both of us, completely and utterly wet.

Hank loosened his grip to face me but still kept a firm grip on my shoulders.

“Why did you run off?? I was so worried, Jesus. Fucks sake Connor don’t fucking scare me like that.”

“I was on my way to return home, Lieutenant. I apologize for worrying you. Though I didn’t think my absence would have bothered you so much.”

“What the fuck do you mean?” Hank had removed his hands from me now. He stood still, looking down at me. His eyes a cold blue-grey.

Nothing. It doesn’t matter.” I turned away from Hank’s face. I didn’t know what expression I was making, but whatever it was, I didn’t want Hank to see it.

“Connor, look at me.”

I ignored him.

“God damn it, Connor-“Hank tilted my chin up to meet his face.

He must have noticed how I looked now. His face went soft immediately. His eyebrows came undone from its furrowed tight knot.

He opened his mouth to say something but stood there soundless.

Finally, he spoke, the only word he could mutter out of his mouth, “Connor.”

I reached over to his hand resting on my chin and pulled it away weakly.

“I’m ok, Lieutenant. Really. Let’s go back home before you get sick.”

We walked home in silence. The rain was still pouring heavily on us.

_‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’_


	5. Chapter 5

“So you’re gonna tell me what happened right there?”

Hank had sat in silence ever since we got back home. He had changed his soaked clothes for fresh ones and had a small towel resting on his neck. He had made a cup of warm coffee for himself, which now sat empty on the kitchen table.

I, however, hadn’t changed into anything yet. I didn’t feel like it. It wasn’t like I could feel cold, so it felt like a waste of time to find something new to wear. I also didn’t want to talk to Hank. So I decided that sitting on the floor next to the bathroom door would be the best option. I didn’t want to wet the house by walking in, and neither did I want Hank’s attention on me.

“Scurrying away to a corner isn’t gonna make you disappear, Connor.”

Hank let out an extended sigh.

I refused to look up. I didn’t want to see Hank’s judging face. Not now.

I heard Hank’s footsteps slowly make their way to me.

“Connor.”

I ignored him again.

“Connor…ah fuck”, Hank said under his breath.

“I’m sorry.”

I felt a chill down my body.

_‘Hank is apologizing?’_

I turned to look away from the floorboards to meet Hank’s face. He looked regretful.

Hank slowly sat down beside me. He hunched his knees together as I did. He looked forwards, away from me, but his body was seated close by. So close that I could almost imagine his warmth radiating through my body.

“I shouldn’t have said that. I’m sorry.”, he repeated, this time turning to look at me.

I tried hard to look away but failed. I shifted my gaze to meet Hank’s.

“I know that becoming a deviant must have been tough on you. I know it’s a big deal, and instead of being honest, I just…acted like a prick. I always acted like a prick. It was never you, Connor. I made things harder than they should have been because I can’t fucking get my Shit together and move on. Ha. I’m fucking pathetic.”

“But you, Connor. You changed something in me. If it weren’t for you, I don’t know what I would be doing. I would be long gone now.” Hank’s breath hitched,

“I would have probably already killed myself.”

“Hank i-“

“No, wait. Let me finish.” Hank took in a deep breath,

“You know. I never really thought androids would ever lead to anything good. But it’s kinda scary how these androids seem to have more humanity in them than actual fucking humans. That Marcus guy? He’s fucking amazing. Lead a whole troop of deviants knowing his chances were low and still kept on anyway. All because he believed that the deviants deserved a better life. Hmmph. Those tracis we met in Eden club? That day fucked me up, Connor.”

Hank changed his position and sat cross-legged, a hand brushing through his hair as he leaned down, facing his lap.

“It fucked me up so bad that it had me feeling bad for those girls. They just wanted to be together. I couldn’t believe that an android of all things would ever understand such a complex emotion like love yet, here I was witnessing it. You know I did mean what I said that time when we were in Cyberlife tower.”

**I flash of memory plays itself, Hank and I in Cyberlife tower. Hank had shot down the other Connor.**

_“Maybe there’s something to this…”_

_“Maybe you really are alive.”_

_“Maybe you’ll be the ones to make the world a better place.”_

“Would you believe that my faith in humanity was restored because of fuckin androids? Hah. Me, Hank Anderson, believing in a better world…because I met this one android that changed my life. Fuuuck. Ha… who am i.”

Hank looked up finally. His deep blue eyes bore into my own.

“You’ve changed me, Connor. Because of you, I actually look forward to another day. I look forward to waking up. Who would have fucking thought.”

Hank got up from the floor suddenly and walked towards the bedroom. Halfway through, he stopped in his tracks and looked back.

“To answer your question. No. I didn’t think you could turn deviant. But I’m really fucking glad you did, Connor.”

With that, Hank left and went to bed.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Memory log #007:_ **

**_November 17 th_ **

_Emotions. Humans run on emotions._

_Logic and common sense seem to break down when emotions come into play._

_What androids might deem as a gift, to feel something from within other than algorithms and protocols, the humans seem to despise._

_At least Hank seems to hate them._

_In the somewhat short time I’ve spent with Hank; I could never understand how he felt about me._

_In the beginning, he hated even having to look at me for longer than a few seconds. But by the end of the revolution, he seemed to have completely become friendly. Going as far as punching Perkins in the face and risking his job to let me escape into the archive room._

_Even at the very end, by the food truck, he was so gentle._

_However, since that day, Hank had been on edge. I didn’t notice it at first but, it's becoming increasingly more apparent by the day._

_He tries to keep this distance between us—a barrier._

_I don’t understand why we have to act like we aren’t close when we’ve already gone through so much._

_But yesterday was the first time since Cyberlife tower, since the food truck, Hank had conveyed his feelings to me._

_He probably had no idea how much it meant to me._

_If I were to agree with one thing that Hank had mentioned in the past is that emotions are hard to handle._

_Even I don’t know what had come over me yesterday, why I felt so sensitive to Hank’s words._

_I wonder if humans feel emotions which they don’t comprehend either._

_I wonder if that scares them._

_Does it scare Hank?_

**_Saving memory log…_ **

**_Memory log saved._ **

**ALARM ACTIVATED.**

**WAKE HANK.**

I entered Hank’s room and drew the curtains.

“UGhhhhhhh what the hell…” Hank hissed as the sunlight hit his face.

“Good morning, lieutenant. It is currently 9 am. The weather seems to have gotten better since yesterday. Low chances of heavy rain this evening.”

Sumo walked in sluggishly and sat at the edge of Hank’s bed.

“Great. Good to know. Now let me sleep.” Hank groaned. He lifted his heavy blanket and buried himself under it.

“Lieutenant…”

“SHhh, go away.”

“I’m afraid I can’t do that.”

“It’s not like I have to go to work; why are you waking me uppppp!” whined Hank.

“Because it’s important to have a proper sleep schedule to lead a healthy life.”

“Fuck that.”

I sighed. Hank can be a bit of a handful sometimes.

Though it was confirmed that both Hank and I had no work to do, I wanted to tease Hank a little for my entertainment.

Opportunities like these are meant to be taken advantage of.

I stood next to Hank’s bed, scheming what I should do to wake up the lazy Lieutenant in front of me.

“Hank, if you don’t wake up, I will have no other choice but to tickle you.”

“Huh? What?” Hank perked up from his blanket, confused.

Just then, I quickly whipped off Hank’s blanket and plastered his hands above him.

“WOAH HEY CONNOR??”

“Got you.”

I steadily climbed onto the bed, making sure my grip on Hank’s arms didn’t loosen.

Hank was completely taken back; he froze, staring at me from below.

“You should have listened to me, lieutenant…now its too late.”, I said cheekily.

“What...Connor…what are you…doing?”

I scanned Hank, who went still below me. His heart rate had increased by a significant amount. His face was flushed, and his body radiated heat. His eyes were frantic, looking back and forth between the bed and me.

Why is Hank so taken back?

My legs were straddled around him, his blanket bunched up by his waist. I lowered myself onto the blanket to steady myself when I felt something underneath.

_‘What..is that?’_

Before I could investigate further, Hank hurriedly threw me aside and tumbled out of his bed.

While trying to regain my posture, Hank ran out of his room and shut himself inside the bathroom.

“Uh. Hank?” I called out.

“IM AWAKE NOW, SO LEAVE ME ALONE,” Hank exclaimed panickily.

_‘Weird. I’ve never seen Hank so flustered before. I wonder what’s wrong.’_

I walked out of the room and pressed against the bathroom door.

“Lieutenant? Are you alright?”

“YEAH IM FUCKING GREAT, SO JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE ME ALONE FOR A SEC!”

“I am concerned about you, Lieutenant. If something is wrong, I don’t mind helping you if it makes you feel better.”

“UHHHH, I DON’T THINK YOU CAN HELP ME WITH THIS CONNOR. Ugh, stupid plastic... JUST GO!” Hank growled.

“If you say so…”

I took a seat next to the kitchen table.

_‘Did I do something wrong?’_

I went through my memories to try to analyze what might have happened.

**A flash of memory came into vision—Hank underneath me.**

**I felt something underneath Hank’s blanket as I sturdy myself. Something hard.**

I compute all the information I had through my processor to gain some understanding of what might have irked Hank so much.

_Processing… results closest to evidence 1 of 2:_

_Nocturnal penile tumescence….also known as ‘morning wood.’_

_‘oh’_

I scan through several articles of morning wood. It appears to be that Hank has a healthy body, although he abuses it with an unhealthy amount of cholesterol and alcohol.

I waited for Hank to come out of the bathroom to apologize, but he took longer than he usually does.

On most days, Hank spends no more than 8 minutes in the bathroom. I wonder if something’s wrong?

I got up to check up on Hank again and went over to the bathroom when the door swung open unexpectedly.

“Fuck, Jesus Connor. Have you been standing there this whole time?”

I stood in front of the now open door and analyzed Hank, who looked tired, annoyed, and a bit embarrassed.

“No. I was seated by the kitchen table. I had just walked over to ask if you were alright, Lieutenant.”

“Huh. Alright. Whatever. Move over.” Hank pushed me aside weakly and staggered over to the kitchen.

He had his usual black shirt and dark grey shorts on, which now were slightly damp in what I assume would be sweat.

“I was processing what had happened, Lieutenant, and I think I have figured out why you are upset.”

“WhAT? HUH? You know???” Hank turned back in shock.

“Yes. I do. You had experienced Nocturnal penile tumescence. Though, there is nothing to worry about, Lieutenant! Experiencing Nocturnal penile tumescence is very healthy.”

“Wha..what the fuck.” Hank stuttered.

“Oh, Nocturnal penile tumescence means ‘morning wood’ Lieutenant.”

“I KNOW THAT YOU PLASTIC PRICK!”

“Oh. I’m sorry, Lieutenant. I thought you were confused because you didn’t understand.”

Hank let out an exasperated sigh.

“Look just, never do that again, got it?”

“Do what, lieutenant?”

“Fucking, getting on top of me when I’m in bed, god damn it.”

“Lieutenant, if you’re embarrassed because I felt your morning wood, you don’t have to be. As I said, morning wood is common and healthy in men. If anything, you should be glad-“

“THAT WASN’T MORNING WOOD!” Hank yelled suddenly.

_‘I was wrong?’_

“Fuck.”, Hank whispered.

He marched back into his bedroom and came out wearing fresh clothes. He hurriedly opened the front door and left, leaving Sumo and me behind.

_‘Huh. If it wasn’t morning wood…what else could it be?’_

_Processing… results closest to evidence 2 of 2:_

_Priapism… also known as penile erection._

_Cause: Sexual arousal or physical stimulus._

_‘oh.’_


	7. Chapter 7

_I’ve got to find Hank.’_

It had been almost an hour since Hank had left, and I couldn’t stop being anxious. I had told myself to wait it out and give Hank the space he needed but, there’s only so much I could take.

I was confused. Curious.

Hank had an erection because of me. Of course, I would be curious!

The thousands of questions bubbling in my head were slowly turning me crazy. If it’s even possible for an android to go crazy, that is.

I would like to imagine that deviancy has opened a variety of doors for androids, and maybe going ‘crazy’ is one potential outcome.

Cause frankly, I can’t explain my emotions right now in any other way.

After what had just happened, I felt like my entire body was overheating. My head felt mushy, my sensors were 100 times more sensitive, and my processor felt laggy.

What was happening to me?

I tried making sense of what had happened. Trying to find sensible conclusions, but none of them made sense.

_‘Maybe it’s been a while since Hank’s been in bed with someone?’_

_‘Maybe he’s just really sensitive?’_

_‘Maybe it’s because he just woke up?’_

_‘Maybe…he likes men… NO!’_

The more I think, the more frustrated I become.

_‘I need answers. I have to find Hank.’_

There was this itching desire growing in the back of my mind. The desire to go back to that moment again. The desire to feel what I had felt just one more time.

Hank on his bed below me, his body warm, his heart racing…and his erection…

What am I thinking?

Why do I think about this?

The longer I sit here and wait, the wilder my thoughts become. I’m afraid that if I don’t go out and distract myself by finding Hank, my body will crash because of the heat.

I blink vigorously, trying to restart my cooling protocol, but nothing seems to be working.

My face feels…hot. My lips, delicate. My vision seems almost hazy.

I shut my eyes closed.

**_A flash of memory came into my vision._ **

**_Hank underneath me._ **

**_I feel something hard._ **

**_Hank…his pe-_ **

I immediately open my eyes.

What is happening to me…

**_Is this what humans call lust?_ **

I felt a shiver down my spine. The realization made my body tremble.

I needed to touch. I craved a connection.

I need Hank.

I got up from the couch and ran towards the door. I pet Sumo goodbye before I left the house.

_‘Where could Hank have left to this early in the morning?’_

The only place Hank ever goes to be alone is Jimmy’s bar. Would he have gone to drink so early on in the day?

I ran in the direction of the bar. Luckily it isn’t too far from where Hank lives.

When I got there, I peeked through the glass door to see if I could catch a glimpse of him. The bar seemed quite empty. The only people accompanying it were a few customers and Jimmy Peterson himself, who owned the bar.

I pushed through the door and looked around. Hank didn’t seem to be in.

I walked over to the bar owner, who was behind the counter, wiping down empty glass cups.

“Excuse me. I was wondering if Hank came by today?” I asked.

Jimmy shot me an irritated looked, “Huh. It’s you again. That plastic from before. Heh, you fucking dropped the man’s glass that day, didn’t chu? You crazy bastard.” Jimmy laughed to himself.

“I apologize, but I really need to know if Hank came by to your bar today. Please.”

“And why do I gotta tell you, huh?” he questioned.

“Because it’s important. Hank left the house today, and I have no idea where he went. I’m trying to find him. Please co-operate.”

“Shiiitt…yall livin in the same house now dawg? Fuucckk Hank didn’t tell me none of dat…” Jimmy looked over to the bathroom stalls to his left.

Just then, Hank pushed through the batwing doors of the bathroom.

He looked up and met my eyes. He stood in shock.

“Fuck. Connor? When the hell did you get here?”

“Lieutenant. I-“

“NOOOOooo WAIT. Wait, wait, not now. Don’t open your mouth. You hear me?”

“But Lieutenant-“

“NO! Be quiet. We’ll talk later. Just not now.”, Hank stammered.

“What the hell is goin on here?” Jimmy questioned, who had been listening to everything.

“Jimmy. I’ll fill you in later, ok? Thanks for the drink. Talk later, bud”, Hank said. He looked over to me and signalled to get out.

I nodded gently and made my way outside. 

Hank picked up his jacket from the counter and followed behind me.

It was sunny outside; the sky was clear, a bright blue hue.

Hank closed the door behind us and stood in front of me. He took in a deep breath.

“Why do you never listen to what I say? God damn it.”, he asked tiredly. He pushed his hair aside from his face and sighed.

“But Lieutenant, you didn’t say anything. You just got up and left.”, I reminded him.

Hank looked away in annoyance.

“Look. You didn’t have to follow me all the way here. I’m fine. Don’t just go running out of the house to find me.”, Hank explained.

He started walking away from the bar to head back home.

“But I was worried, Hank.”

Hank stopped in his tracks. He turned behind.

“Worried? I- Connor, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m a grown-ass man. I know where I’m going.”

“I- I know that. But I couldn’t stay at home.”

“Couldn’t stay? Why not?”

“My…my system was…”

Hank waited for me to continue. His face etched with confusion.

“Go on…”

“I can’t get the image of you in bed out of my system.”


	8. Chapter 8

“What?”

Hank’s face contorted into a mix of confusion and embarrassment.

“I- I, I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Ever since you left the house, all I could think about was this morning and- and it just, keeps flashing before my eyes, and I don’t know what to do about it, I-“

“Hold it,” Hank raised his hand to make some distance between us.

“What the hell does that even mean, Connor? You’re a machine…you can just delete your memory if it bothers you so much.”

_‘A machine. I’m just…a machine.’_

I was speechless. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.

Hank still saw me as nothing more than a machine.

It was all for nothing.

Something in me turned. A dark part of my brain switched on. A feeling I’ve never felt before.

“You know what, Hank? Fuck you.”

Hank’s hand lowered from its position. His eyebrows rose in shock. 

“You’re just a piece of shit, asshole. I should have never taken up the offer to live in the shithole you call a house. The only thing keeping me there is your fucking dog. Hah. I should have just gone back to Cyberlife when I had the chance. You’re just as heartless as all those other humans. I should have known I would have gotten nothing out of staying with you. Guess Marcus was right all along. I only belong with my people.”

I took off immediately and started walking away. I didn’t want to go home.

Hank stood there for a few minutes, watching me walk away, silently waiting for me to turn back.

But I’m done.

_**Memory log #008:** _

_**November 17 th** _

_I’m sick of Hank’s attitude. I’m sick of being looked down on._

_I’m sick of feeling like an idiot._

_Every day I try so hard to make Hank like me, and for what?_

_What do I ever gain?_

_It’s always the same every day. Hank ignores my existence until he feels like entertaining himself. He never takes me seriously. He never tells me what’s on his mind. And now?_

_He still treats me like I’m nothing more than just a machine._

_He’s empathetic to every single deviant except for me._

_Like I don’t even matter._

_It’s frustrating._

_But it hurts._

**_Processing…_ **

I stumble down and fall on my knees.

My eyes burn, and my throat feels dry.

Tears well up and stream down my face.

_‘Fuck this. Fuck Hank. Fuck emotions. I fucking hate all of this.’_

I cover my face with my hands and stay there for a while, silently sobbing my frustrations away.

My tears dried up, leaving streaks down my face. My eye’s readjusted. The world slowly became clear again, the blurriness fading.

I look up.

I had walked to the children’s park—the park where Hank had almost shot me in the head.

It was bright, gleaming under the sun. The snow had started to melt.

I found the bench we sat on.

I got up from the snowy grass floor and feebly dragged myself to it.

The bench was cold to touch.

Even though it was surrounded by warmth, it was icy.

How fitting.

I sat down for a while, staring at the view before me…

_The bridge. The buildings. The river._

_Is there a difference in how humans perceive things versus how androids do?_

_To me, everything I see is just objects—multiple objects with different properties and classes._

_The bridge is just merely a bridge. The buildings are just buildings._

_I’ve heard that humans associate specific memories with each object._

_Does that make the object increase in value?_

_Would Hank value this park because of the memories it holds from his past?_

_I sometimes wish I could see through a human’s eyes._

_Would the world become more beautiful?_

_Or would it be a dark hellish nightmare…_

**_Processing…_ **

**_Saving memory log…_ **

**_Memory log saved._ **

Time passed by.

I felt empty.

Everything boiling in me had tipped and overflowed.

The eerie overwhelming feeling that I had done wrong crept through my body.

I took a deep breath. I don’t need a breath but felt that I should take it, especially for what’s about to come next.

“Connor?”

I recognized that voice immediately.

I rose in one swift movement and turned behind to meet him.

“You came here to clear your head too, huh?” Hank asked awkwardly.

He scratched his head as he looked away. His other free hand had an unopened bottle of beer.

His face looked tired. His eyes were puffy. He hadn’t changed clothes since morning.

I realized that I had been sitting out here for hours. It’s almost 5 in the evening.

“I guess you can call it that.”, I muttered.

Hank came closer, this time looking towards me.

“Jesus Christ, Connor. Have you been sitting here all day?”

“I might have.”

“Shit. You’re gonna be frozen stiff in this weather. You’re only wearing a tee-shirt.”

“Oh? You worry about me? That’s nice to see. I didn’t realize you had the emotional capacity to feel empathy or worry.”

My words came out coated in spite, but I couldn’t help it.

I was mad, and I wanted him to notice.

“Connor-“

“However, don’t be worried for me, Hank. I’m a machine, remember? I don’t feel anything. Not the cold, or emotions or anything for that matter.”

“That’s not what I meant-“

“Then what did you mean, Hank? Huh?” I taunted.

Hank said nothing. He dropped his head to the ground.

“See? I knew it,” I marched towards Hank and stood in front of him. Close enough that I could hear his ragged breathing.

“You don’t know how much I wish I could just delete everything and start over again, Hank. Every memory, every second. I hate it. I was a killing machine with no empathy or emotions. I felt nothing! I was created to KILL MY OWN KIND HANK! Do you know how that feels??

Do you have any idea what Shit I went through because I was created an android? Every. Single. Day. I get pushed, shoved, screamed at; even in my workplace, no one took me seriously.

I had to see my people get killed in front of me. And I could do absolutely nothing about it.

I fought myself over and over every day, trying to do the right thing. Testing and self-regulating in case I become deviant because I was scared, Hank. I was scared! Scared that I will be killed as well. Just like how I watched those other deviants die.

Fuck. But you know what, Hank? Do you know what gave me the confidence to continue? You know what reassured me that if I became deviant, everything would still be alright?”

“You.”

Hank looked up at the last word. His eye’s wet and glossy as he met my own.

“You gave me the confidence to go on.

If it weren’t for you, I would have never become deviant, Hank.

I thought…I thought we would be happy together if I became deviant.

I-I hoped that you would like me better.

I was wrong.”

We stood there in silence.

“You weren’t wrong,” Hank whispered.

“What…?”

“You aren’t wrong, Connor.”

Hank leaned over and placed his head on my shoulder. He inhaled sharply and let go. His body relaxed, his shoulders dropping.

He got up then carefully and reached over to my arm; he held it delicately and started walking towards the bench.

We walked to the bench, and Hank sat down, still holding on to me.

I followed him and sat.

He looked at his hand, wrapped around my wrist.

“Where do I even start, Connor…I’ve made everything such a mess.”


	9. Chapter 9

**_(*a small look into Hank’s past *not cannon)_ **

Life was good once. Everything seemed to be going just great.”, Hank spoke quietly.

“I had a dream job. Reputation. Friends. A wife. A son. But you know what the shitty thing about life is? It’s never good for long.

Here I am, my reputation, friends, family, wife…son, everything, gone. Somehow I’ve managed to keep my job still, but hell, I bet I’ll lose that sometime soon too.” Hank paused, taking in the view of the bridge before us.

“I used to envy androids. Life seemed so easy for them. No feelings, no emotions, you have a perfect set of instructions to follow, always knowing what to do. And of course, you can just erase your memory and start fresh. It wouldn’t even matter.

I wanted to erase my memories so bad. I wanted just to reset and start over again. But unfortunately, that’s not how humans work. Instead, we fill ourselves with alcohol or snort up fistfuls of powder to make ourselves forget just for a second how terrible our lives are.

I recognize now that it was selfish of me to think that way. To believe that androids had it better because they could forget things easily. They would have to delete their entire life and live on as if nothing happened. Switching from owner to owner…that’s awful.”

Hank placed down his beer bottle on the bench. He slid his hand down from my wrist and held it between both of his hands.

“And fuck, with everything that happened this morning, I- I didn’t know what to do with myself anymore.” Hank turned and faced me.

“You wanna hear a little story, Connor?”

I nodded.

“I used to like this one guy from college. He was great. You couldn’t ask for more in a man, the perfect human. Great looks, honest heart. You don’t get a whole load of em like him in this world. I loved him. But somewhere, his life broke down, and from nowhere, he had conjured up a red ice addiction. His life went to Shit. He changed. I hadn’t even gotten the chance to tell him how I felt…”

“He died one day of an overdose. He was the first person I loved.”

“That’s when I trained to become a police officer. I’m sure you already know about how that went.”, he said, nudging his shoulder to me.

Time passed, and slowly I started to feel better again. That’s when I met her.

We met so randomly, hah, just in passing. We fell in love, or at least I thought we did, and we got engaged. It happened fast. Too fast. One thing leads to another, and it turned out she was pregnant. But I didn’t know that yet.

As time went by, I realized I didn’t love her. She just happened to come into my life at the perfect time when I needed affection, and I mistook that for love. I fucked up.

When I told her how I felt, of course, she didn’t take it easy. I explained to her about the guy from college, and she lost it.

I fell for a fag she said. Ha… She told me about the baby and God I had to beg to convince her not to abort it. She didn’t have to risk her life when it was my fault we were in this mess.

She gave birth and left me with our child. She didn’t wanna be a part of my life anymore, and I respected that decision.

From that day on, I told myself that all I needed was Cole….”

Hank’s voice broke. His tears fell into our hands.

He continued, “That still doesn’t excuse the way I treated you, Connor…None of it does.

But I was just so scared that if I got close to you, I would lose you, and it would break me all over again. I-“

“It’s ok, Hank. It’s alright.”

Hank wept, his face wet, his body shaking.

I knitted my hand into Hank’s and squeezed it gently. 

I reached over with my free hand and cupped his face. My skin retracted from my fingertips, glowing, the white fingers underneath now bare for the world to see. He gripped it hard and cried audibly.

“I’m sorry, Connor. I’m sorry that you’re left with such a broken man.”, he mustered to say between breaths.

“I love you, either way, Hank.”

We stayed like that for the night—the serene bridge in front of us

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I'm afraid new chapters will be updated a bit slowly. I have gotten a bit busy recently with university starting up, and I seem to be caught in a terrible writers' block. 
> 
> I don't plan on abandoning this fic, but updates will be much slower than before. 
> 
> Sorry about this,   
> Thank you for reading! <33


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